Setting priorities
by Water-please
Summary: What if Kate had focused on something different when she had her fight with Rick? Does it take drastic measures to realize what she really wants? Alternative scene to "Always"- SPOILERS


**Setting priorities**

**Summary**

What if Kate had focused on something different when she had her fight with Rick? Does it take drastic measures to realize what she really wants? Alternative scene to "Always"- SPOILERS

**Disclaimer**

I do not own Castle. Just had fun.

**Rating** T for swear words

**Category** Romance/Hurt

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

They were having a fight. A big one. During which all their secrets came out.

He stood before her, an almost defiant look on his face. "Every morning, I bring you coffee, just so I can see a smile on your face, because I think that you're the most remarkable – fascinating – maddening – challenging person I've ever met, and I love you, Kate, and if that means **anything** to you, if you care about me _at all_, then please don't do this.", he ended in a whisper, pleading her with all he'd got.

"Care about you, Castle?", she answered, still furious. "You're the love of my life! And you just cut a deal for it!"

She was angry. No. Not only angry. She was wild with a profound rage that screamed to be let out, to leash out against everyone and everything in her way. He betrayed her! Castle had cut a deal behind her back, preventing her to get to the truth of her mother's murder, to get the closure she so desperately needed. Which she needed also for them! Didn't he want that, too? Why did he prevent her from smashing her walls down? She paced the room, unable to stand still, looking for someone to punch.

He stood, stunned. Completely flabbergasted at what she just said. His brain had tilted, not able to compute the information he'd just received.

"I'm – what?" he whispered.

In her current agitated state, she didn't hear him. Still wanting to leash out, to fight, because that's what she knew best. She felt her heart pounding and stared out of her window, sightless, blank, and struggling to get control over herself again. She took some deep breaths, closed her eyes and tried to calm herself down.

'OK, think.' she forced herself to set her brain into gear. Focus on the things at hand, she told herself.

'What's happening?' – _You're having a fight._

'And what's important?' – _He said he loves you._

At that thought, her eyes snapped open. She whirled around to face Castle, who still stood in the middle of her living room, an expression of utter confusion on his face. He opened his mouth to speak, but no sound came out. It was almost funny to see how very speechless she had rendered him, the famous writer, with her little confession.

OK, her confession was not that little, to be honest. In fact, it was huge. The hugeness of it all was the reason why she had shied away from it. Until now. All the rage seemed to have left her body. She felt drenched, exhausted. And gentle, towards him. They needed to talk. A lot.

She took his hand and led him to her couch, pressed him gently into the seat. He let it happen, ignoring for once the electric vibes her hand caused on his. He was still too bedazzled.

"Would you like something to drink? Coffee? Water?" she asked softly.

"Whiskey.", he croaked.

A slight smile hinted the corner of her mouth. "I'll make you coffee. We all need a clear head now." and turned to the kitchenette.

"No. Whiskey." he insisted, his voice firmer now. He looked at her with a strange expression on his face.

She raised an eyebrow, surprised at his tone, indicating that he perfectly knew what he wanted. No boyish charm this time.

She returned with two glasses of golden liquid, half filled. The good stuff. She gave him one glass, careful not to brush fingers this time. No distractions.

He emptied his whiskey in one long gulp, like a bottle of medicine.

"You know, had I known you'd only be pouring this one down like cough sirup, I would've chosen the cheaper bottle." she tried to joke.

He just looked at her. No jokes right now.

No. No joke in sight, if you looked closely.

For a moment, she had forgotten why there were here, at her place, with him on her couch. She sighed and braced herself for the next step. 'One step at a time', was what Dr. Burke had told her. Easier said than done.

"Look, Rick, I'm –"

"How long have you known?", he interrupted her, looking at her intently. Almost angry.

"What you mean to me? I've – "

"Is there anything else you'd like to tell me? You remember everything I said that day _(he didn't even want to say it again? Oh shit, he was really pissed.)_, I'm the love of your life – what else? Perhaps that there are some kids of ours you'd like to introduce me to? Have you picked the house we'll live in, happily ever after? God, Kate!" he shouted in frustration, clearly most royally pissed at her.

"Wait a second. Are you angry with me?" she asked incredulously.

"Damn right I am! All this time, you knew, and felt the same, or perhaps not? You left me completely in the dark, groping my way down, while you had night vision all along. Was it funny to see me struggle? Was it amusing for you to know something I didn't?" He got off of the couch, now it was his turn to pace the living room; he needed to get some space between him and her.

That was a first. That _he_ needed space from _her_.

Kate could not believe her ears. When she had pictured her confessing him her love, this was certainly not how it turned out in her fantasy.

"What's your problem, Rick?" she asked sharper than she intended, feeling her own anger flaring up again.

He quickly turned his head, looking at her. "What MY problem is? Who's the one of us in ther-" He broke off. No, that would be a low blow. Even in this state of rage, he didn't want to hurt her.

He tried again, forcing himself to cool down. His head had cleared a little, thanks to the whiskey he'd just drunk.

"Kate, if you feel that way about me, why didn't you tell me? You **know** that I love you." He let the exasperation hear in his words. Good God, would he ever understand this woman?

She felt – tired. Everything was dragging her down right now. She wanted to explain to him that she knew he was the one. That there was an absolute certainty in her that than when the two of them got started, that this would be the beginning of something **huge**, something **everlasting** and **overwhelming**. And that it _scared the living daylights_ out of her.

So she tried to explain: "Rick, all my adult life I've been fighting. It's all I know. Until you came along, that is. And you're the reason why I have to keep this up, this time is the most important time for me to fight! I'm doing this for us!" She wanted him to see, to understand, desperately.

"Kate, didn't you listen to me?" he said. "If you keep this up, there will be no 'us', because you will be **dead**! They will kill you!"

"No, they won't!" she said stubbornly. "I do have the guts to fight for us, and I will!"

"This is not about having the guts, Kate." he retorted. "This is about surviving."

"Exactly! And the best way to make sure you'll survive is to kill your opponent." she shot back.

And before he could think of another answer, to which she'd refuse to listen, she continued:

"Look Rick, even if I _did_ back down – the case will be pursued anyway! So the truth will come out, be it by me or by someone else. And by 'someone else' I mean Ryan and Esposito. Should they be in danger, too? Am I to step down, so that they'll catch the bullet that was intended for me? I can't do that, Rick! They're my friends, my family!"

He looked at her, long and hard. He knew his Kate. She'd never let go, not when she thought her friends were in danger. In what seemed like an eternity, he said:

"I understand. You won't, you can't let it be. But it will kill you. And I'm not going to stick around watching you get killed, not again. I'm sorry, but – this is over. I'm done."

He turned, and left her standing in her apartment, tears in her eyes.

_**A/N: Alright, with this scene, the steamy kiss at the end of the real episode would not have happened that way, I guess. But I just had to have a scene in which she did not let him stand before her, with an open heart, and ignore it completely, instead hitting him squarely in the chest to top it all off.**_

_**Didn't know where it led in the middle of it. Let myself flow with the tide. Got around to the end of the original scene, I hope. Reviews greatly appreciated.**_

_**English not being my native language, I'd be glad to receive some hints to my mistakes, too. **_

_**Thank you for reading!**_


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